Need to get james over to finish putting in shower and fix leak in whirlpool, so can use with out water dripping in lrm.

On road heading home from #balticon. Would have stayed for dead dog party if I wasn't dead on my feet.

Just hunted thru half of the room by computer, looking for LOTR:O product key with no luck. Stop for now before pain level goes to 8.

Flareing again when I can't afford to.

Been needing to write a longer post since Costume Con 27, but just not up to writing much more then 140 spaces long on twitter or facebook updates.

May is my busy month, since Balticon moved to Memorial Day weekend. Add the fact that I was the Special Needs Coordinator for the Convention for 3 years and I became a bundle of nerves, stress out over every detail in the last few weeks before the convention. Well my body said enough this year, since I decided to take on costuming and CC27 few months ago on top of my Balticon Committee duties. So I didn't go to CC27 on the last day, but did make it to see a doctor at Johns Hopkins Adult Medicine Clinic.

During CC27, I had to depend on Jamie, Ruth, or Paul and what strength I had to get around the hotel. Most of the time I needed the wheelchair, but ended up using it to cart around my costume and supplies. Lesson 1 learn, don't do a convention without making sure you'll have a place to store things at the hotel before hand. Lesson 2 is that I need to be sure I either have someone there always available to push the wheelchair around or an electric scooter to use. By Sunday night and the Historical Masquerade that I had entered my costume in, I was in full flare mode. Only thing that kept me from backing out of the competition was my promise to myself that I would walk across the stage no matter how nervous I was

The Greenroom handle was great help for Ruth and I when we got there. She put my wheelchair in the row of chairs for the first group who would go on stage for me and help Ruth lace me up, solving for us how to tie the ends of the laces correctly. Once dress in my costume, I learn that if I was going to have to use a wheelchair , I should make sure the costume would fit in it. The bun roll I make wouldn't fit and so Ruth wouldn't be able to push me to the back of the stage. Instead the handler, went to make sure that there would be a chair for me to sit on before I had to go on stage and Ruth just had to meet me on the other side to give me back my glasses.

By the time I got on stage, I could barely think of how I was suppose to turn and just pivot around my cane. Major points lost there, but it didn't matter, I did what I wanted too and when the judges told me everything I did wrong so they had no idea what I had done with my costume (major fail on writing up my documentation) I was beyond letting it get me down. I earn my lesson and will do better next time. Hopefully that will be at Balticon this year. I just need to take the time to work on improving my costume and getting overdress made. The judges did take near 2 hours to decide on winners and they all deserved their rewards as the competition was full of great costumes among all the classes. I was feeling pain all over though by the time I had finish being photographed by everyone.

Still I soldier on somehow, until Paul went to get the car. Then tears came as he seem grumpy to my over doing it once again He was still upset over me buying a corset for myself the day before and I was harboring resentment over his raining on my weekend. Didn't help that it rain all weekend and Sunday morning I had to carry everything on the bus and light rail that morning only to miss my stop and think I lost the bag with my button collection in it. I should have left the buttons at home, when I realize that I would have to take a bus and light rail, but didn't care at the time. Just was upset over fact, that Paul wasn't seeming to care that my costume would get wet and winkled.

Wished I knew the number at the hotel to call for a ride from the light rail stop. It wasn't as far as the walk from the light rail stop to the Hunt Valley Inn, but still only reason I think I was stupid enough to walk that far in the rain carrying everything over my shoulder and arms was how upset I was. I needed everyones help just then and no one was there for me. Now I can cry and let the tears come out writing this down, but can't tell them face to face.

Monday I woke up hurting so bad I knew I should stay in bed, but needed to get things off my chest in womens group and talk to my counselor at North Baltimore Center. I was in tears from the pain and didn't know how to go on. My councelor got me to call to see a doctor at Johns Hopkins and drove me before taking everyone else on the van home. She said that since I always have to go with her to take them home first, they could wait to get home after she dropped me of at JHHU.

Of course bing at last minute appointment, I didn't see my doctor, but the board doctor that day. She check out my swollen ankles and feet, looked at the buises on my legs and arms. She listen to me cry about the pain I was in and how much I wanted to be able to get around at Balticon in 3 weeks, but was afraid that without a scooter, I had to step down as Special Needs Coordinator.

She check to see if they could write me a script for a electric wheelchair, but came back saying only could a manual, since I still could walk on my own and had my daugthers to help me. for the pain she also increased my persciption for Tramadol from 25mg to 100mg. every 6 hours. Since I already had found uping the amount to 50mg wasn't helping, I knew 100 would be some small comfort. That is when it does take affect for a short period, leaving me the rest of the time dealing with pain levels that have not gone under 5 and only down that low over the last few days. I'm back at a 7 now with my arms and hands burning red with pain. So I'm going to stop before it gets worst.

there still is email to check and boards I want to read over at Allakhazam.com, but I needed to get this off my chest now.