Wednesday, September 20, 2006

The Flare Returns.

Only part of my body not in pain right now is my head and my central nerous system is working on that too.

I know I can't write cocurrent thoughts due to the pain in hips and lower back, but reading the Ayslum over at has been one of the few ways I been able to take mind off the pain. Posting simi intentos about my daugthers and wanting grandkids had me grinning for awhile. I may regreat it once this mind fog clears up and/or my girls find them.

It's nearly impossible todo anything that take more thought then that of a lump of lead right now. I phased out just looking at my keyboard right now. Fingers don't want to work and I keep seeing typos pouring out of them. I'm over here, because I don't want to bore Asylumites with my whining.

Once not long before we found my mom had breast cancer, she told me that the family was tired of my whining about the pain and I had only 2 choices. Deal with living in constant pain or stay high all the time.

Well I hate being high and not feeling in control of my mind, so most of the time I try to use mediation and relaxation, mixed with lots of hobbies and humor to get by day to day. I only take the darvocet, when nothing else works and I can't bare the pain longer. Big part of the reason I hate taking darvocet is that I'm lucky if it just takes the edge off the pain for an hour. Then I have to wait over an hour to take another pill, and face 2 hours of unbearable pain again.

During all the time I take darvocet, I'm worried that the pain will get to point that in the fog, I'll forget when was the last time I took one, and take one too soon. That the normal way most OD or liver fails on all these pain medications with Tylenol in them. Doctors are not willing to give me anything stronger to save their fletching careers from the DEA and trying to keep me from being dependent on pain pills. I was doing better on Ultram before the state and insurance company decided they didn't want to pay for it. Forget that it is a safer drug and can be taken everyday with out developing a dependency then darvocet. I had been getting enough each prescription to keep a maintenance dose of 1 or 2 a day, plus some in reserve when the pain got too much for meditation to cope with.